Marriage is when two different people come together and establish a new order. No one gets married to be unhappy or to get divorced. Everyone wants their marriage to last happily for a lifetime. However, there are things that we do, sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously, that may seem small to our eyes, which damage the marriage. Let's take a look at what are the reasons that wear out a marriage.
When we ask what wears down and damages a marriage, everyone's first answer is usually the same. Lack of respect is unfortunately the main reason behind the end of many marriages. You need to get to know each other and be clear about your likes and dislikes. In addition, everyone has their own buttons. You should be careful not to cross boundaries. You may love your spouse with words that you find very cute, but he or she may not like these forms of address and may perceive it as disrespect. In this case, it would be more useful to talk to your spouse in the way he/she desires instead of changing his/her perception.
Of course every couple fights. Not arguing at all is not a healthy behavior. But you should be careful about the words you use when you get angry and fight. You should be careful not to use derogatory words to your partner even in your angriest moments. If you have a nervous nature and you cannot hear what you say during a fight, it is useful to change the environment you are in and talk about the subject you are discussing when you are a little calmer.
Making fun of your spouse's physical characteristics, belittling his or her income, saying things like "Are you a man or a woman?" and comparing them to others are the best examples of domestic disrespect. If you do not avoid these, it is inevitable to damage your marriage.
You should also show respect not only to your spouse but also to your spouse's family. No one likes to see their family disrespected. You should treat your spouse's family as you would like to be treated by your own family. Maybe there are big problems between you, you don't get along. Remember that you don't have to love anyone, love is something that comes naturally, but you have to respect them.
What Destroys a Marriage?
No one likes to hear lying words. Nevertheless, everyone lies, even if it is a small lie. If you ask what wears out and damages a marriage, lying is one of them. Do not lie to your spouse with whom you share life and your most intimate moments. Even if they are small, white lies, try not to tell them. Because every lie is bound to come out one day and when this happens, the trust between two people is damaged. The other person will weigh every sentence you say from now on and there will always be a doubt. And doubt is the greatest evil you can do to a marriage.
Economic difficulties wear a marriage out considerably. Sometimes at the beginning of the marriage, during the preparations for the wedding, couples take out a loan and fall under a huge burden. Couples who should concentrate more on each other in the early days of marriage spend this period depressed because of debts. In these cases, the marriage is worn out at the very beginning. For this reason, it is very important for couples to organize an organization that is suitable for their budgets and with less debt when getting married and having a wedding.
Sometimes a marriage that has been going on under normal economic conditions may break down due to unfavorable business conditions, economic crises, debts and unforeseen expenses. In fact, this is a trauma and couples should seek professional help if necessary. With the stress caused by economic difficulties, couples fight more and lose respect for each other over time. This process can unfortunately lead to the end of a marriage.
Loyalty is one of the sine qua non conditions for marriages. Without fidelity, it is not possible for a marriage to work properly. No one wants to share with another woman or man what they love and work for. Cheating is the biggest betrayal you can make to a person. It absolutely damages and ends a marriage.
One of the answers to the question of what damages a marriage is both psychological and physical violence.
Psychological violence in marriages is usually done by humiliating the other person. The other person's self-esteem is destroyed by belittling them by referring to their physical characteristics, not liking what they do, and constantly criticizing them. The next level is physical violence by the spouse who cannot control his/her criticism and anger. Physical violence can be as small as a slap or a light hit, or it can be much more severe and life-threatening. As long as the abused party does not speak out, this incident continues to grow. Marriage continues in some way, but the concept of marriage is emptied.
Therefore, if you cannot control your anger, seek help from a professional. Remember, there is no such thing as once in psychological or physical violence, even if it never happens again, the trauma you have caused in your partner will last a lifetime.
Crowded Family Environment
Especially in our country, some families live within the concept of extended family. Sharing the same house with your spouse's family is a bit troublesome. You do not establish your own order, but you go to an already established order. Everyone wants to make their own decisions in marriage and live freely, but in a crowded family environment, you have to follow the rules of others rather than your own rules. Even in the home environment you have to pay attention to your clothes, which is quite restrictive. Therefore, if possible, it would be more reasonable for everyone to have a separate house for their own marriage. Even if this is not possible, you should avoid interfering in your private spaces as much as possible. Having more than one decision-maker in a marriage wears out and damages it too much.
Sexuality is one of the facts that we can say is indispensable for a marriage. If you say that a marriage cannot work without sexuality, it may work depending on some situations, but it is usually not possible. Sexuality is one of the most natural needs of people. A sexual life that goes perfectly at the beginning of marriage can also be interrupted over time. Stress caused by economic difficulties, living conditions, responsibilities of children can negatively affect sexual life. Spouses may feel sexually distant from each other and feel disliked. Sexual distancing also brings emotional distancing. One of the most powerful answers to the question of what wears out and damages a marriage is sexual problems.